6 Healthy Changes in Your Toddler That Might be Mistaken for Picky Eating

Written By Cierra Crowley, MSN, APRN, CPNP

The information here is strictly educational and not medical advice. It should not substitute professional medical consultation.

Healthy eating starts in infancy. Baby’s brains are hard-wired to fulfill their needs. As your baby grows, their ability to communicate their needs advances. Your now toddler becomes more capable of expressing their needs and starts to test boundaries as they are testing their newly developed skills.  My toddler parents know exactly what I mean right now! 

In this blog, we’ll break down what is normal toddler development, why your toddler might now be a picky eater, and some tips to help feed your toddler! 

The Toddler Meal Struggle 

As babies grow into toddlerhood, they are doing so many things developmentally that eating is low on their brains' priority list.

Oftentimes parents misunderstand normal, developmentally-appropriate behavior as picky eating.  This can lead to feeding practices that may not foster healthy eating behaviors or prevent picky-eating toddlers from worsening. (1)


Before we go any further, it’s important to note- You are not responsible for your child’s picky eating.  You have not failed them.  You may have done everything “right” and still have a picky eater.  It is not your fault and you are doing a great job! 

As parents we just want our kids to eat something!  We are genuinely worried they are not getting enough to eat.  Cue every tactic and party trick we can think of to entice them to eat

  • screens at meals

  • bribing them with treats to just take a bite

  • forcing them to try something

  • chasing them down with a spoon because they won’t sit down at the table

  • offering a reward or treat for finishing their plate

  • putting extra large portions on their plate out of fear they aren’t eating enough 

It is all rooted in love, but parents often quickly learn these tactics are temporary bandaids and don’t offer long-term solutions.  

Understanding what is “normal” for development and behavior can help you manage your expectations for your toddler at meals and reduce stress and meltdowns.  

Big Changes of Normal Toddler Development That Make Meal Times Challenging 

  1. Their growth slows.

    Around age two, toddlers start to slow down their rate of growth.  Before 2 years old they double or triple their birth weight in the first year.  After that, they only gain about 3-5 pounds per year and grow 2-3 inches. (2, 3)
    This results in them having a smaller appetite than they did as babies because their growth demands have slowed.  Therefore, they eat less often and eat significantly fewer portions.
    You may even notice that they eat a lot one day and hardly anything the next.  That is common.  Toddlers and young children get their nutritional needs met over several days. 

  2. They are more interested in the world around them.

    They are very curious and want to see how things work.  They may point at things, talk more, or simply get distracted from the task in front of them… to eat.  

  3. They would much rather practice their motor skills

    They are ON THE MOVE now and are learning how to climb, jump, run, get around and they want to practice.  Making them want to sit a whole lot less.  


  4. They are getting good at remembering things

    Toddlers start to remember what they like and don’t like. They are using a “script” to predict the daily activity and can anticipate the next steps. They may start to be choosy because they remember what they LOVED and don’t want the things they only sort of “liked” last time.

  5. They are testing the world around them

    Because toddlers are learning the world around them, they are learning to test the boundaries and limits of their environment including you as their parent. They remember things and will test the limits to get what they know they love.

    Additionally, toddlers do not have much control over their emotional impulses.  So when they are told no, their emotions tend to be intense frustration that presents as crying, screaming, hitting, or throwing themselves on the floor. It is the only way they know how to deal with the realities of life that they don’t agree with.  (4)

  6. They are learning how to eat and may still use their hands. 

    Eating is a skill many toddlers are still learning to master.  This may result in them needing to use their hands to aid their utensil use.  You may also notice their accuracy to their mouth isn’t yet perfected.  That’s okay, they are still learning! The mess is normal, but doesn’t make it any less challenging! 

Tips to help with toddler mealtime stress

  1. Keep to a schedule/eating routine so they can begin to predict and know what to expect from you.

    Since toddlers are getting good at predicting the next steps, they thrive in routines.  Try to evenly space meals and snacks out every 2-3 hours so they have consistent eating opportunities to keep them fueled.  This also allows them to predict when the next one is coming and can reduce the snack requests on repeat. Stay consistent with your eating routine and try to avoid frequent grazing/snacking in between meals and snacks so they actually have an appetite. That doesn’t mean you have to have an exact schedule or perfectly timed meals.  Simply stay consistent with when you are offering meals

    For example

    • Wake up snuggle, brush teeth, get dressed

    • Breakfast

    • Playtime

    • Snack time

    • Playtime/Activity 

    • Lunch

    • Nap

    • Snack

    • Play

    • Dinner 

  2. Offer smaller portions to keep the pressure off and engage their shorter attention spans

    Larger portions do not necessarily mean they will eat more.  Large portions can be overwhelming and result in less eating.  

  3. Don’t expect them to sit at the table for long periods. 

    The longer they sit does not necessarily equate to more that is eaten. Their attention spans are rather short at this stage and expecting them to sit for longer periods can result in frustrations for everyone.  5-10 minutes is a good initial target.

  4. Allow them lots of play before a meal to get the wiggles out

    This can also help them show up to the table hungry and sit still.  Bonus if it can be outside time!

  5. Embrace the mess and allow them to fully experience their food and meal

    Using all of their senses is essential for many kids to fully experience food.  It is how they learn to eat and how they learn to accept new foods.  It’s not the easiest part of feeding young children, but the more we can embrace the mess and accept that it is all a phase the less stressed we might feel. 

  6. Allow them to be in control of if and how much they eat while staying consistent with exposure of foods

    Most importantly, allow your child to come to the table without the pressure to eat.  They are responsible for if they eat and how much.  We have to trust their little bodies know just how much they need (5).

    With that said, as the parents we are responsible for what and when we feed them.  Our children rely on us to be consistent and offer a variety of food. It can take upwards of 10 (or more) exposures to a new food before a child accepts it and decides to try it (3). So it is important that we continue exposing them to foods without the pressure to eat! 

Summary

Toddlers are going through many big changes emotionally, physically, and developmentally making it a challenging time for many parents.  Helping toddlers learn to eat is often very frustrating and for many parents, stressful.  Understanding what is normal toddler behavior can help reframe expectations at the dinner table and help guide parents to support their child’s eating habits.  Often, it can help many parents improve their toddler’s picky eating.  

If you are a parent of a picky eater and are tired of the mealtime meltdowns, tired of stressing at every meal, tired of battling your kiddo to sit down and eat, and wanting solutions so you can find your confidence and peace at mealtimes, join us in Bite Sized Basics. 

Additional tools/resources

  • For my additional support strategies for picky eating and supporting kid’s eating and health including foods to consider and avoid, normal development by age, meal planning, recipes, and more check out Bite Sized Academy! Bite Sized Academy is our app-based community and your parent pocket guide to clear, evidence-based education and resources to nutrition and a healthy lifestyle to support growth, development, and health for your children to THRIVE!

 
Cierra Crowley, MSN, APRN, CPNP
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